


Another Form of Love

by Leizy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aroace-spec week, Aromantic, Aromantic Asexual Kozume Kenma, Aromantic Awareness Week, Aromantic Kozume Kenma, Asexual Character, Asexual Kozume Kenma, Gen, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, Truth or Dare, ace rep, aro rep, don't know what to tag, from own experience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:55:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29878041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leizy/pseuds/Leizy
Summary: The streets outside were quiet and the chill from the autumn evening blew in from the open window. Kenma's room was dark and the only light came from the small device in his hands. It was like any other day, but for Kenma it changed his life.It had been before his eyes ever since elementary school, ever since that day on the benches, warm, welcoming and obvious like the sun in the sky. Made Kenma's chest fill with warmth and he no longer felt alone, he felt like he belonged, for once in his life.Two small words in the middle of a text. Aromantic, asexual, a person with lack of sexual and romantic attraction. Kenma skipped through the text again, and his cat stopped to purr as he gripped the phone with both hands and stared at the screen, a rare smile playing on his lips.Aroace, that's what I am, he thought, feeling more whole than ever.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Another Form of Love

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic for the aroace -spec awarness week, unfortunetly I was a week late for the aromntic week.
> 
> **DISCLAIMER** this is only my experience and my journey to finding myself. Wether you as ace or aro relate to this or not doesn't make you any less valid!! I wanted to capture as much as possible of my feeling in this fic but apparently I'm bad at that, but I am still kind of proud and hope you enjoy :)

Kenma had known he was different ever since elementary school. Not like those girls who claimed they had a mental illness or the boys who broke bones for attention. Just different, he didn't intend to, if he could chose he wished to be like everyone else, to be ' _normal'._

  
  


Kenma didn't know people actually felt attraction in real life, wether it was sexual or romantic. Up till sixth grade he'd thought it was a made up concept for TV shows and subplots for books. Sex, in his mind, was just the way for humans to reproduce. Not for people to actually enjoy, desire. 

Kenma didn't hate romance. It was just not interesting enough to Kenma for him to care about amongst his many hobbies. He didn't mind when Kuroo talked about the boy he liked, he just wondered how it would feel to like someone in that way and why it never happened to him. He was positive the idea of a relationship would feel endearing once he found the right person, but what if they never existed. 

* * *

It was during a game of truth or dare Kenma made up his first crush. It was a warm day halfway through the semester and a couple boys spread over the benches on the schoolyard. It was the only place with shadow on the whole school and Kenma still had to take of his sweatshirt.

  
  


The first couple of rounds weren't too embarrassing. A boy named Suzke confessed to cheating on a test and Kenma's dear friend Kuroo told everyone he stole a candy bar of the store.

  
  


Then it was Kenma's turn and of course the usual question came up, he'd been lucky to avoid it. 

  
  


"Who's your crush, Kozume?"

  
  


Suddenly the place felt claustrophobic despite not having walls and his body heated up in a way that wasn't because of the heat. Hid face was red like crimson, it was painfully obvious against his pale skin. "No one," he said just a bit too quick.

  
  


Kuroo had punched him lightly in the shoulder and grinned at him. "Ohh, you're blushing. Who is it."

  
  


_I'm blushing because I'm uncomfortable._ Kenma never knew why everyone seemed so embarrassed to admit who they liked but he really didn't like anyone. Not in that way. At least he thought so. When Kenma didn't answer a boy opposite his bench said:

  
  
  


"It's okay, you don't have to like any—"

  
  


Apparently the thought of the other's thinking he was weird seemed worse than lying so Kenma quickly scanned the yard. He spotted a boy, was not happening, a teacher and then a girl. He'd never seen her before but she looked about his age.

  
  


Kenma pointed at her, "It's her… I like her."

  
  


He got a frown from Kuroo, "you sure," he tilted his head, "can't recall I've ever seen you around her. She's pretty, though."

  
  


Kenma agreed. People could be pretty, he enjoyed studying them, but unlike his classmate's he didn't stare at girls chest's or speculate what touching them would feel like. He would never use the terms 'hot' and 'sexy' to describe a person. Rather asthetically pleasing. Kenma liked the way Kuroo's muscles played in a match of volleyball and how Yaku's catlike eyes changed colour depending on the light, but it didn't make him feel a special way neither would he ever describe it as sexy.

* * *

That day forward his friends snickered whenever they saw the girl on the yard which seemed to be more often. After another semester Kenma still didn't know her name but he was convinced he liked her. Wasn't he nervous around her? Didn't he blush when his friends made jokes about them as a pair? 

  
  


It was only when the girl got a boyfriend that it became clear to Kenma that he didn't have a crush on the girl. He didn't feel anything, maybe angry at himself for coming up with a lie that tricked even himself. The next time he got such a question Kenma only shrugged and said he still wasn't over her.

* * *

Kenma knew he had to be different ever since sex ed in seventh grade. They boys made jokes and pretended to not look in the book, watch the film's being shown or listen to the teacher while the girls snickered and talked about it during lunch. 

  
  


He just didn't care. Sure, he found it uncomfortable, but it would've been bearable if the class didn't act like it was a special subject or something. Then they were assigned groups for a projects. _What it felt to be in love and what you want from a relationship._ Kenma spent the rest of the lesson in the bathroom.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Kissing people was overrated. 

  
  


Kenma had his first kiss in ninth grade, during a game of truth or dare (curse that game). It was that girl again, she'd long since gotten over her boyfriend in middle school and somehow she ended up at Kuroo's party. 

  
  


It was the birthday boy that dared the girl, and Kenma would rather sink through the floor than have all eyes on him as the girl crawled close.

  
  


The girl had round cheeks and her brown eyes crinkled when she smiled. She was nice to everyone and the guys at school whispered when she walked past. Kenma wanted to be her friend, but seemed to be too late now. It was a quick glance at her full lips and then they were on him.

  
  


Kenma's eyes didn't flutter close, his hand didn't grasp for her jaw, he didn't feel drowsy and his heart didn't pound. No fireworks went of, he didn't feel thunder spark in his veins and he was still painfully aware of the guest's staring at him. He didn't mind the kiss, it wasn't uncomfortable in any way, but he still wanted to push her away and wipe the saliva of his lips, drink some water and clean himself from her chapstick that tasted like chemical cherries. 

* * *

  
  


Kenma lay awake one night, not to play on his games or watch TV. Instead he pendeled between his phone and his mind. He absently petted the cat he got from his parents between the ears, she purred.

  
  


He thought about that night a few weeks ago;

  
  


_Why didn't he enjoy kissing people?_

  
  


_Why couldn't he feel love the same way everyone else did?_

  
  


Kenma could feel tears burn in his eyes. At first he thought he was broken, emotionless perhaps. Kenma knew he wasn't, he had a good childhood and loved his parents, he loved his cat and his friends. He liked to be touched, a warm hug or a reassuring hand to the shoulder, it was nice. He felt emotions like everyone else, he was happy when he got good grades or his parents took him on a trip. He felt sad when things didn't go his way and heck, he was even crying at the moment.

Kenma also thought his hormones just hadn't kicked in, a foolish thought that still lingered in his mind. He'd been an early bloomer and gone through the exact same changes as the rest of the boys.

  
  


Everyone else liked someone, so why couldn't he?

  
  


* * *

  
  


The streets outside were quiet and the chill from the autumn evening blew in from the open window. Kenma's room was dark and the only light came from the small device in his hands. It was like any other day, not special in any way, but for Kenma it changed his life. 

  
  


It had been before his eyes ever since elementary school, ever since that day on the benches, warm, welcoming and obvious like the sun in the sky. Made Kenma's chest fill with warmth and he no longer felt alone, he felt like he belonged, for once in his life. 

  
  


Two small words in the middle of a text. _Aromantic, asexual, a person with lack of sexual and romantic attraction._ Kenma skipped through the text again, and his cat stopped to purr as he gripped the phone with both hands and stared at the screen, a rare smile playing on his lips.

  
  


_Aroace, that's what I am,_ he thought, feeling more whole than ever. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm thankful for thoughts or ideas of improvement. I would love to hear if you recognize yourself in some of these sentences or if you had any other experiences.
> 
> Sorry if I made any grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language and I'm still quite young
> 
> I'm grateful for kudos and comments :)


End file.
